Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
