Already got asked if we're dating
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
