I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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