My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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