Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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