Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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