I think I died a long time ago.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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