you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
