he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
