marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
