the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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