he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's official drugs can't kill me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
