is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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