dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
