What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
