do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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