A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
