They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
