you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
