Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My breasts were aching with rage.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize