people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
