Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
