fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
another moral hangover. fuck.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
