Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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