We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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