Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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