I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
