Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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