yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
