The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
