There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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