we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
