Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
