I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize