Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
