I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cut my penus on the lid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize