Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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