he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
