best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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