Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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