i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
