pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
