ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
