Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
