He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
