i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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