I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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