I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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