It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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