Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
