You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
