I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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