Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
