Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
