He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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