After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
