i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
