oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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