I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
