Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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