The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
