Already got asked if we're dating
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am naked and annoyed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize