your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize