Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
