He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
