Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
