i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
